Words

Within my flesh
there is a soul
a soul which longs for salvation.
Salvation from those who will fail to protect it.
Who are you to tell me who I am?
Who are you to deny the chemicals which reside inside me?
You do not define me.
Then why I am so stirred
by the words of one so inferior?

Unmasked

Growing in the wild
I learned to keep and hide whats mine.
Not to share it , not to even mention it.
Mask the most valuable.
As time moved me on
to a place where I never was
I met a wandering soul
a soul which fit right beside me.
I could hear the voices telling me to run
but I choose to trust.
To trust the unknown, because in all
of the tales they told us that's the road to happiness.
Time passed us by in what seemed in a
dimension of our own.
I could feel my mask peeling from my naked soul
exposing everything I ever was and am.
Suddenly the lights went out.
I looked for you and whispered your name
in hope for comfort.
I saw nothing before and after me
not you, not me - not a soul.
No armor and no plan.
I felt your hand on my chest
it was the moment when I realized the mechanism inside me
had a purpose.
My mind was peace until you ripped what was mine right
out of my chest and my bare soul.
Didn't make a sound as I fell to my knees
and everything which once was solid and unbreakable
turned into fragile glass and bursted next to my almost lifeless body.
You took everything which made me human.
In what seemed like centuries I came out of the hole you put me in
to my luck it wasn't deep enough to stop me from breaking out.
I had pieces of my self missing, which I will perhaps never get back
Nobody will see what you saw.
They will all look and think of me as the weak and naive human
who gave too much away.
And if there is a time when we meet again
I will tear you open and pour acid on your insides
So you can even just for a moment feel what you've caused
and feel it burn right through you.

Post War (An Inner monologue)

It's hard to be a human being, not because of the things we face on a daily basis but because of everything that runs through our mind.
It's easy to judge others but we never judge ourselves the same way , when we do it could drown us.
I have encountered that.
The lethal dose of thoughts which makes you feel brain dead.
All of those nights I've spent just laying in bed thinking with no path or exit.
Or crying until my head hurt to the point of not being able to think and becoming brain dead. Looking for a way to explain all of it to yourself but not understanding why you're in this state of mind. Why are you being something at all??
Or are you at all here? Are you what you were in your memories or is that someone distant who you have no connection with anymore? As you lay there are you numb or are you real at all? Is it worth it, crying over this? No, it;s not but what happens when you're over the things you know and enter an unknown realm of your own head and wander while it's slowly killing you? Are we lethal to ourselves? Yes, of course we are, some are just too shallow to realize it and never go that deep within themselves.
They will perhaps never know what it is to feel guilty of something that doesn't exist. Now that's lethal. Being in a battle with your mins, fighting your shadow. That makes you real. Feeling makes you real but are you?
Perhaps it's better not to find out because that could be self-destruction waiting for you to take a turn down the unlighted alley of your brain and stab you in your weakest spot. Is it worth it? No. Then why do we do it? Why do I? Why did I want to end myself even though I had no proof of being alive? How common is it?
To have everyone refuse who you are and then you refuse yourself because of them?
That's scary. Scariest thing you could experience inside your head alone.
Feeling ALONE , in a room full of people who have known you since the beginning of your unreal existence?  Isn't that scary? To have your makers and those who shaped you refuse your existence?
Don't believe what those ghosts tell you. They're not yours to deal with.
Focus on yours and let them kill you.
Acknowledge them. Accept them and let them go.
That's what I did and now I'm lifeless. I've chained my feelings to a place I can't reach to. I've given up my humanity for peace. Thing is I don't know how long that contract lasts.
Hopefully enough for me not to go insane again.
The Smiths - I Know It's Over

Time

Now is now
now will never be repeated
because you'll never be the same.
Not tomorrow.
Not any day.

Mere existence

It is said that crying has been a sign of being alive since we were born

Sure it is, until a certain point when you are left out of options.

The time when you can feel the wave of tears within yourself and the only thing

you can do is wait for it to hit you and try to not drown in it.

When you can feel the the aching pain in your head

which does not stop , until your body shuts off.

When the littlest thing such as facing someone in the eye

seems like the hardest thing to do, especially when you know

that someone is not the one to understand.

Who could anyway?

You couldn't.

The people who were supposed to

didn't know you enough to understand

nor did they try.

You are alone

and that should be enough

but what happens when

you're not even sure

where to look for yourself anymore.

Devil May Cry

Some people are like roses
no matter the color and how soft and delightful they look
they stand tall amongst everyone with their sharp thorns.
Nobody knows how something so beautiful could be so painful to hold on to.
It hurts to love and care for those people
 They will make your hands bleed and tear your skin apart
only to leave the mark of their own broken soul
which is beyond repair.
You try to fix it, it punctures through your skin
and breaks into pieces finer than snow.
Still you remain there for that person
drowning in your own blood but hoping
that by standing amongst the tall , wild flower
you'll one day see it wither
and see all of those fine pieces of their soul
dripping down their face
and wouldn't help but wonder
how such a devilish creature
who could bring so much ache to everyone who dares to hold it
is only the one thing people never sought it as.
Mere human, who once was too blinded to see the sharp thorns
 which were ripping through their own fragile skin.

Loner

I've always pressumed people as needful creatures but as I myself grew upon the reality of our world I thought that a person couldn't have been more wrong. With every day passing, every sunset,every moonrise I was more empowered by loneliness. It wasn't because I did not enjoy having someone around, It was because my mind couldn't handle the pressure of their presence. I wanted to be left alone , I didn't need anything from anyone because the time I had to think helped me achieve everything alone. I don't need someone to hold my hand when I wake up one day and realize I've become a selfish lifeless creature who doesn't bring anything but pity in someone. Because that will never be something I'll believe is possible. I don't need you to hold my hand , but i'll hold yours when your demons come for you. I'll be that vague shadow which fades but never leaves and perhaps disappear into your soul as you break the chains holding you to what is the need of someone. You'll be free to love without needing it. You'll learn that as you love one ,one might disappear but you won't suffer , you'll only grow with their faded shadow which will keep your soul and body together and in peace.