All my life I lived in fog
believing I belonged there
that everything too clear and honest
was not my essence.
I watched the wind move the grass and trees
through the window of my faded mind
I was locked away from what I desired
by my own self.
Love - I thought is such a bizarre concept,
I put all the logic together and defined love.
I lived with that lie way too long
until I met you.
The one who pulled me out of the window and helped me see clearly
nothing was defined , so everything was real.
I caught myself wishing upon stars and yearning for you during lonely hours.
I wish I could define it but I can't,
I wish a simple " I love you" would be enough.
It is not enough.
It does not satisfy my need for what is that I feel for you.
With you I'm real and I exist.
I hid so long from the beauty inside me
I had forgotten the colours of my soul.
I love you. I'm sorry.
It's not enough to tell you what you mean to me.
I'm sorry.
I'm dying here, always.
Dying
with you
without you
within me
you're there
you'll always be there.
I love you more than I did when this poem started
I can't believe how that is possible
but with you - you never know in which land I'd go.
All I know is that the only thing I'd be searching for is you.
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Thoughts
I've never understood the forever conflicting concepts of right and wrong.
Adults say kids are wrong and kids say adults are wrong but either way nobody of them is actually right.
Because kids experience thins adults have long forgotten and adults very rarely let themselves feel like kids, see as kids, dream like kids.
Which is right and which is wrong?
Being 6 and dreaming about the world beyond or
shielding yourself from that world because you think that your grown up reality is the bitter truth of life?
Adults say kids are wrong and kids say adults are wrong but either way nobody of them is actually right.
Because kids experience thins adults have long forgotten and adults very rarely let themselves feel like kids, see as kids, dream like kids.
Which is right and which is wrong?
Being 6 and dreaming about the world beyond or
shielding yourself from that world because you think that your grown up reality is the bitter truth of life?
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Him
What if you're the one?
What if this is all a sick joke?
I feel your hands around my throat and smile
as they grip harder I realize it's only the hands of your physical absence.
The pain in my chest is killing me.
Another ghost of you is in there, trying to escape
but time won't let it.
You're not here and I feel that the moment I spoke your name
a part of me was sent off your way
that's whats missing.
You're not here and I bury my nails in my chest
trying to make it stop
to somehow numb the hallow space of my heart
just for a moment.
But you're still not here
and I miss you more each day
but I love you more today
and more tomorrow
and the day after that.
It keeps raining and I keep shivering
with every drop of rain touching my flesh
because I know that's you touching me while I'm in your thoughts.
One day I swear
when I am swimming in your ocean
I won't even make the effort to breathe.
You're still not here
but it's nice to know
you're somewhere out there at all.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Him
At night I lay and dream about your hands on my skin
about your fingers in my hair and your breath in the air,
Yesterday was filled with you, today and tomorrow perhaps too.
I long to see your naked soul, spread around my bedsheets
Raw and honest ,never ending romance.
I can't shake this even If I wished.
How long before I get completely lost?
I wouldn't care, wouldn't care
only want to have you there.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Words
Within my flesh
there is a soul
a soul which longs for salvation.
Salvation from those who will fail to protect it.
Who are you to tell me who I am?
Who are you to deny the chemicals which reside inside me?
You do not define me.
Then why I am so stirred
by the words of one so inferior?
there is a soul
a soul which longs for salvation.
Salvation from those who will fail to protect it.
Who are you to tell me who I am?
Who are you to deny the chemicals which reside inside me?
You do not define me.
Then why I am so stirred
by the words of one so inferior?
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Unmasked
Growing in the wild
I learned to keep and hide whats mine.
Not to share it , not to even mention it.
Mask the most valuable.
As time moved me on
to a place where I never was
I met a wandering soul
a soul which fit right beside me.
I could hear the voices telling me to run
but I choose to trust.
To trust the unknown, because in all
of the tales they told us that's the road to happiness.
Time passed us by in what seemed in a
dimension of our own.
I could feel my mask peeling from my naked soul
exposing everything I ever was and am.
Suddenly the lights went out.
I looked for you and whispered your name
in hope for comfort.
I saw nothing before and after me
not you, not me - not a soul.
No armor and no plan.
I felt your hand on my chest
it was the moment when I realized the mechanism inside me
had a purpose.
My mind was peace until you ripped what was mine right
out of my chest and my bare soul.
Didn't make a sound as I fell to my knees
and everything which once was solid and unbreakable
turned into fragile glass and bursted next to my almost lifeless body.
You took everything which made me human.
In what seemed like centuries I came out of the hole you put me in
to my luck it wasn't deep enough to stop me from breaking out.
I had pieces of my self missing, which I will perhaps never get back
Nobody will see what you saw.
They will all look and think of me as the weak and naive human
who gave too much away.
And if there is a time when we meet again
I will tear you open and pour acid on your insides
So you can even just for a moment feel what you've caused
and feel it burn right through you.
I learned to keep and hide whats mine.
Not to share it , not to even mention it.
Mask the most valuable.
As time moved me on
to a place where I never was
I met a wandering soul
a soul which fit right beside me.
I could hear the voices telling me to run
but I choose to trust.
To trust the unknown, because in all
of the tales they told us that's the road to happiness.
Time passed us by in what seemed in a
dimension of our own.
I could feel my mask peeling from my naked soul
exposing everything I ever was and am.
Suddenly the lights went out.
I looked for you and whispered your name
in hope for comfort.
I saw nothing before and after me
not you, not me - not a soul.
No armor and no plan.
I felt your hand on my chest
it was the moment when I realized the mechanism inside me
had a purpose.
My mind was peace until you ripped what was mine right
out of my chest and my bare soul.
Didn't make a sound as I fell to my knees
and everything which once was solid and unbreakable
turned into fragile glass and bursted next to my almost lifeless body.
You took everything which made me human.
In what seemed like centuries I came out of the hole you put me in
to my luck it wasn't deep enough to stop me from breaking out.
I had pieces of my self missing, which I will perhaps never get back
Nobody will see what you saw.
They will all look and think of me as the weak and naive human
who gave too much away.
And if there is a time when we meet again
I will tear you open and pour acid on your insides
So you can even just for a moment feel what you've caused
and feel it burn right through you.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Post War (An Inner monologue)
It's hard to be a human being, not because of the things we face on a daily basis but because of everything that runs through our mind.
It's easy to judge others but we never judge ourselves the same way , when we do it could drown us.
I have encountered that.
The lethal dose of thoughts which makes you feel brain dead.
All of those nights I've spent just laying in bed thinking with no path or exit.
Or crying until my head hurt to the point of not being able to think and becoming brain dead. Looking for a way to explain all of it to yourself but not understanding why you're in this state of mind. Why are you being something at all??
Or are you at all here? Are you what you were in your memories or is that someone distant who you have no connection with anymore? As you lay there are you numb or are you real at all? Is it worth it, crying over this? No, it;s not but what happens when you're over the things you know and enter an unknown realm of your own head and wander while it's slowly killing you? Are we lethal to ourselves? Yes, of course we are, some are just too shallow to realize it and never go that deep within themselves.
They will perhaps never know what it is to feel guilty of something that doesn't exist. Now that's lethal. Being in a battle with your mins, fighting your shadow. That makes you real. Feeling makes you real but are you?
Perhaps it's better not to find out because that could be self-destruction waiting for you to take a turn down the unlighted alley of your brain and stab you in your weakest spot. Is it worth it? No. Then why do we do it? Why do I? Why did I want to end myself even though I had no proof of being alive? How common is it?
To have everyone refuse who you are and then you refuse yourself because of them?
That's scary. Scariest thing you could experience inside your head alone.
Feeling ALONE , in a room full of people who have known you since the beginning of your unreal existence? Isn't that scary? To have your makers and those who shaped you refuse your existence?
Don't believe what those ghosts tell you. They're not yours to deal with.
Focus on yours and let them kill you.
Acknowledge them. Accept them and let them go.
That's what I did and now I'm lifeless. I've chained my feelings to a place I can't reach to. I've given up my humanity for peace. Thing is I don't know how long that contract lasts.
Hopefully enough for me not to go insane again.
The Smiths - I Know It's Over
It's easy to judge others but we never judge ourselves the same way , when we do it could drown us.
I have encountered that.
The lethal dose of thoughts which makes you feel brain dead.
All of those nights I've spent just laying in bed thinking with no path or exit.
Or crying until my head hurt to the point of not being able to think and becoming brain dead. Looking for a way to explain all of it to yourself but not understanding why you're in this state of mind. Why are you being something at all??
Or are you at all here? Are you what you were in your memories or is that someone distant who you have no connection with anymore? As you lay there are you numb or are you real at all? Is it worth it, crying over this? No, it;s not but what happens when you're over the things you know and enter an unknown realm of your own head and wander while it's slowly killing you? Are we lethal to ourselves? Yes, of course we are, some are just too shallow to realize it and never go that deep within themselves.
They will perhaps never know what it is to feel guilty of something that doesn't exist. Now that's lethal. Being in a battle with your mins, fighting your shadow. That makes you real. Feeling makes you real but are you?
Perhaps it's better not to find out because that could be self-destruction waiting for you to take a turn down the unlighted alley of your brain and stab you in your weakest spot. Is it worth it? No. Then why do we do it? Why do I? Why did I want to end myself even though I had no proof of being alive? How common is it?
To have everyone refuse who you are and then you refuse yourself because of them?
That's scary. Scariest thing you could experience inside your head alone.
Feeling ALONE , in a room full of people who have known you since the beginning of your unreal existence? Isn't that scary? To have your makers and those who shaped you refuse your existence?
Don't believe what those ghosts tell you. They're not yours to deal with.
Focus on yours and let them kill you.
Acknowledge them. Accept them and let them go.
That's what I did and now I'm lifeless. I've chained my feelings to a place I can't reach to. I've given up my humanity for peace. Thing is I don't know how long that contract lasts.
Hopefully enough for me not to go insane again.
The Smiths - I Know It's Over
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