Want to die, need to live.

How is it that people so often in a bad situation suddenly and drastically want to die? We say *I want to die*, * I could just die right now* but perhaps after a few hours we're all back on track with our routine. With our lives. How is it that so many people including myself have had that thought for years on, without end.Some nights, laying in bed and not wanting to live anymore for so many different reasons. How do you decide on life or death? You simply don't. As humans we are constantly on one edge or another and in very rare moments in the middle. On the edge, it's not us who make the final step. What if dopamine suddenly increased, that would probably stop you from any bad thing you might be doing to yourself. What if all those nights I cried myself to sleep so I could put the depressed feeling inside of me into a coma or when I screamed internally those 3 words and repeated them in my mind over and over again, what if my body and basic human instincts and emotions such as freedom, curiousity saved me from the part of me which wanted destruction? If I really want to die, why do everytime I hear a speeding car behind me, I step further into the inner side of the road? Why do I get scared when I see another car move towards the car I am in? Why do I jerk back into consciousness when I feel like I'm falling in my sleep? I might have died a hundred times already but I still grab onto the steadiest feeling and thought that would keep me breathing.
I might have wanted to die but the need for living weighted more than all of my dying wishes. I need to tell myself that I as a mind may want to die but I as my body won't let me go easy and I will hate it every time but after a few hours or days I'll see the truth when I look at someone I love and know I want to be here with them.
Every time sadness dawns upon you, just turn off the lights and go to sleep.